On the face of it, one could say that he was an exceptional sociocultural critic who left a lasting mark in modern society through his witty reflections and incredibly entertaining sharp statements. And I didnt really care in the first place. ~ (George Carlin). Manage Settings I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. Unfortunately, many progressives and today's so-called "social justice warriors" have reduced Carlin to an "antiquated, patriarchal white male oppressor. Here are some powerful quotes of pure humor and sparkling intellect to follow you through the day! If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten. ~ (George Carlin). Everybody says they suck. Anthony Hopkins is a pantheist-Catholic-agnostic who believes strongly in God. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. I love individuals. Others see it half empty. 119. He joked about it but he was dead serious. People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. ~ (George Carlin). Somebodys wasting their fucking time. George Carlin Quotes George Denis Patrick Carlin or better known as George Carlin is a Grammy Award-winning American solo comedian, actor and writer. George Carlin was one of the greatest comedians of all time. Theres a humorous side to every situation. Property is theft. Whether Carlin would like it or not, his observations continue to be relevant in our present state. No contest. You don't. I call him Governor Bush because thats the only political office hes ever held legally in this country. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Considered as one of the greatest stand-up comedians of all Try spelling Evian backward. ~ (George Carlin). In America, anyone can become president. 67. I was a loner as a child. The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. The new kid in a high school with a thousand other teenagers. 89. Pro-life, you don't see many of these anti-abortion women volunteering to have any Black fetuses transplanted into their uteruses, do you? If this is the best God can do, Im not impressed. ~ (George Carlin). Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? So I have solved this little political dilemma for myself in a very simple way: on election-day, I-STAY-HOME. 92. Perhaps those who can really claim him as one of their own are the commoners, we the people, caught in the chaos. Stop to think who it is we kill? Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? However, Ice Cube has endorsed neither Trump nor his Democratic rival, former Vice President Joe Biden. If you have selfish ignorant citizens If you have selfish ignorant citizens, youre going to get selfish ignorant leaders. Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it. ~ (George Carlin). 24. Who would've ever thought radical feminists would team up with religious zealots to usher in a new wave of censorship and control?Oh, if Carlin was still alive today. The quote continues: "They own all the important land. Religion. 90. Boy, these conservatives are really something, arent they? - Susan Polis Schutz -- "Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music." May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.. George Carlin was a stand-up comedian, actor, social critic, and author. '", Pride should be reserved for something you achieve or obtain on your own, not something that happens by accident of birth. George Carlin quotes government sayings, in particular, are thought-provoking. He had a way of critiquing and making fun of the government without necessarily getting into trouble. This made him outstanding. Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. 76. 107. Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. Dont just teach your children to read Teach your children to question what they read, teach them to question everything. It presents itself as A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbyinglobbying to get what they want. Im happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in. 102. Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are stupider than that. I don't trust none of them. Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. FUCK THEM. Powered by Shopify. Many libertarians--such as us--praise Carlin for his intelligent social criticisms and contributions to a countercultural ethos that perpetually challenges political orthodoxy. 122. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles. ~ (George Carlin). I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. ago Close joke from Blackadder that might predate this. The planet is fine. He also suggests that politicians are merely the puppets bringing big businesses plans and ideas to fruition. First Words (@unscriptedmike) May 18, 2022, George Carlin said "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. For a man disappointed in all of humanity not sure he wanted to be claimed by either side. March 24, 2023. '", "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. They'll do anything they can to save a fetus, but if it grows up to be a doctor they just might have to kill it? I don't have pet peeves - I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. A few laughs with George Carlin. So, have a little fun. Laugh often, long and loud. The owners of this country know the truth: Its called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. Thats the problem. The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. George Carlin was no stranger to controversy. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money.[6]. Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now its trying to save its body. ~ (George Carlin). To change your comments display name, click here. Thats the problem." The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. ~ (George Carlin). People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I dont want to? Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. 44. If your kid needs a role model and you aint it, youre both f***ed. 27 George Carlin Quotes For Freethinkers and Rebels, Skip our thoughts on George Carlin and jump straight to the quotes, 26 Voltaire Quotes Everyone Should Read Today, Bipartisan Bill Would Ban Children Under 13 From Using Social Media, Anti-Gun Yard Signs Are an Invitation To Criminals. You caused the problem; you voted them in; you have no right to complain. ~ (George Carlin). One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Laugh until you gasp for breath. An idle mind is the devils workshop. And the devils name is Alzheimers. ~ (George Carlin). Current quotes, historic quotes, movie quotes, song lyric quotes, game quotes He said: Once you leave the womb, conservatives dont care It was hard to lump Carlin into any political demographic. And in 2017,Rolling Stone magazine ranked Carlin second on its list of the 50 Best Stand-Up Comics of All Time, just behind Richard Pryor. Thats why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. ~ (George Carlin). Trump's latest attack addresses DeSantis' overseas trips to the U.K., Israel, Florida's Covid-19 record, and polling support for the 2024 Presidential race. We think in words. ", "There may or may not beatheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan. The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? ~ (George Carlin). Theres a humorous side to every situation. 83. 33. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ (George Carlin). The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions. ~ (George Carlin). As a lifelong stand-up comedian, Carlin had a lot of opportunities to speak his mindand religion and politics were two of his favorite subjects. Right in the fucking head. Leave these f**king people alone for Christ's sake. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers. ~ (George Carlin). Some national parks have long waiting lists for. He has been widely cited as a political humor expert and authored two books on the subject. Fuck em. He was one of the first to know it was all bullshit propagated by government and corporate elites. What kind of pro-life is that? 9 View more comments #2 Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Ioanna Zafeiriou Tax them. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. What do dogs do on their day off? 57. Carlin left a wealth of social, political, and religious commentaryand most of it was highly critical. Read these quotes to gracefully enhance your views about it and make you reflect upon the essence of human spirituality! I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. ~ (George Carlin). You know what they are? When youre born into this world, youre given a ticket to the freak show. We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. "I have certain rules I live by. 2. Born in New York in 1937, George Carlin was an American comic icon, actor, social critic, and author. 9. They should be giving their money to you. ~ (George Carlin). No, you don't see them adopting a whole lot of crack babies, do you? Though some of these people have always been fans, his social commentary and political criticisms have found new meaning--and a new home--among the right.Though the right-wing and left-wing have "claimed" George Carlin as one of their own heroes, his allegiance was always to himself (another great libertarian tenet), and wasn't going to shill for anyone.If Carlin was ever a hero, it was always for the individual, the rebel, the outcast. Its hard to say if he was a Republican or a Democrat, however, as he refused to vote, considering it pointless because voting, as he said, is the illusion of choice.[4]. Germany lost the Second World War. Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bullshit they teach you in school. WebFamous Quotes by George Carlin about Politics. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin on the Church I have as much authority as the Pope. I know, they say, they say: well if you dont vote you have no right to complain. Fucking is legal. No nothing. Everyone experiences pain, of course. What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. "Everybody's been mad at me, cause I haven't been on the f**king, y'know, the gravy train of these candidates, especially Joe Biden and Harris. WebGovernments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to Dont give your money to the church. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear themusic. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place. ", "Never underestimate the power ofstupid people in large groups. When you are born in America, you get a front row seat. You wouldn't say I'm proud to be 5'11"; I'm proud to have a pre-disposition for colon cancer., "Here's a bumper sticker I'd like to see.We are the proud parents of a child who has resisted his teachers' attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters. 101. 27 George Carlin Quotes For Freethinkers and Rebels by Libertarian Country. Famous quotes on life, death, politics and of course the American government. I have as much authority as the Pope. And America is not alone with this sort of delusions. He was a spiritual atheist as an adult. Some people see things that are and ask, Why? As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Yes, it's the only way I can be sure of intelligent conversation." Not only do I not know whats going on, I wouldnt know what to do about it if I did. ~ (George Carlin). 86. When you are born, you get a ticket to the freak show. It will not be with jack-boots. Teach them to question everything. 3. In the standup special, which premiered just three years before Carlin's death, the comedian claims that "the real owners are the big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions." George Carlin Featured in: George Carlin Quotes Political correctness is fascism pretending to be manners. George Carlin George Carlin Quotes 500 WALLPAPERS 8,907 POINTS Seneca Quotes Craziest Republican Quotes of the 21st Century, Best Anti-Gun Jokes and One-Liners About Gun Control, Funny Arnold Schwarzenegger Quotes as Actor and Politician. Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. Something is definitely wrong. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. ~ (George Carlin). If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders. Best George Carlin Quotes. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam. ~ (George Carlin). ", "The God excuse: the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument. George Carlin Quotes The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Tits always look better in a pink sweater. ~ (George Carlin). We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. What if I want to have a crappy day? ~ (George Carlin). Well who has less abortions than homosexuals? Web390K subscribers in the quotes community. The legendary George Carlin reminded us to think deeply but to make sure we take time to laugh and never take ourselves too seriously. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past. ~ (George Carlin). We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. 68. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. I think people should be allowed to do what they want. They believe a woman's primary role is to function as a broodmare for the state. Maybe this time it'll work. Well, we know what they want: They want more for themselves and less for everybody else.". And term-limits aint going to do you any good. Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes. The previous statement is false. ~ (George Carlin). But a comedian has the ability to use their anger and intelligence to refocus and reconstruct their pain into entertainment. Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. ~ (George Carlin). 8. ", When we think of dictators, we think about other countries. I dont have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. If you think too much, they'll take you away. Its called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. 4. Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. ~ (George Carlin). Theyre all in favour of the unborn. Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. They've got the judges in their back pockets. Laugh until you gasp for breath. ~ (George Carlin). Carlin certainly aimed to provoke, but its the why and how of it that made him so exceptional. They want it back, so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street. I'm not sure silencing people or forcing them to alter their speech is the best method for solving problems that go much deeper than speech. This is the kind of shit youd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. As for the poor, [conservatives] tell us [the poor]'ve lost all incentive because we've given them too much money. The challenge is to find it. ~ (George Carlin). Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days Ive stayed alive. Just a friendly reminder that George Carlin would despise and verbally disembowel the vast majority of pundits, public figures, and random idiots currently heaping praise on him because it's trendy. This explains that although teamwork is important, what you can individually bring to a business is equally relevant. Teach them to question everything. 81. For your favorite quotes. According to Carlin, religion is one of humanitys greatest swindles and created nothing but lies, conflict, and suffering. Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away. ~ (George Carlin). Weve added years to life, not life to years. ", "Catholics and other Christians are against abortions and they're against homosexuality. The quote continues: "They own all the important land. We haven't tried that for a while. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. Being Irish isn't a skillit's a fucking genetic accident. I have lots of ideas. In America, anyone can become president. 114. Life is a near-death experience. ~ (George Carlin). A good motto to live by: Always try not to get killed. Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a f**k about them. I just dont have as many people who believe it. ~ (George Carlin). The people are f***ed. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. ~ (George Carlin). 56. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. ~ (George Carlin). Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. ~ (George Carlin). I have as much authority as the Pope. They brought a new era to the world [], An outstanding jurist and the second woman ever appointed to the U.S. Supreme Court, Ruth Bader Ginsburg trail blazed through [], When trying to write about Ariana Grande, one word comes directly to the mind and sums up everything: phenomenon. Maher is a liberal who has endorsed at least the last two Democratic presidential candidates. Its never just a game when youre winning. ~ (George Carlin). They don't want to hear from you. As for me, Ill be home on that day, doing essentially the same thing as you, the only difference is, when I get finished masturbating, Im going to have a little something to show for it folks. SCOTUS Now Just Another Congressional Committee, Trump Ramps up Attacks on DeSantis: 'Dropping Like a Rock', Russian Strikes on Pavlohrad Aim to Hamper Ukraine's Counteroffensive, Greg Abbott Criticized for Response to Texas Shooting: 'A New Low', Democrat Sold First Republic Stock, Bought JP Morgan Before Collapse, Conservative Influencers Struggle With Countering Biden's Messaging. The people are f***ed. A close adviser to President [], Led Zeppelin is probably the most epic rock band of all time. April 18, 2023, To Get Exclusive Deals, Latest Products, Free Articles & Libertarian News, 2023 Libertarian Country.
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